trying

so i know i have been out for a whike... a long ehile but it tajes so long to load this blog on my conputer that i feel tired to do it and i do not like that. i thought to chabe to sonething i can usr my phone with, this app does not allow pics :(

[No Title.]

i do not know what to ask life. i ask for friends who care, for friends that when they see you not doing well will do something. i will do something if my friends are not doing good. i will walk miles, swim the ocean, stop doing what i might be doing and run to help them. Run to see them. Is this wrong?
Where can i draw the line for friendships, where can i say this is me and these are my friends?
Life does not play fair i know. They all have friends and i know i chose to fade away, i chose to see if one of them will care, but life keep them very busy...
i should do something more than just stay here... i need a hobby more than just play video games.

French-IP

Okay, so here i am feeling lonely again, this look like a normal topic. It is a habit. Well, thing is i just realized why i am feeling like this. i asked it myself. i asked God if He will do anything even if it hurts me to come closer to Him. Well this hurt too much... which means it will bring me closer to Him.
True i wished my friends will come and ask or realized sooner how i felt, but it was because i asked for it. So i can get closer to my loved one, closer to my God, and Savior.
i wrote it down, and know i am going thru that proses. i am happy that God was faithful to lead me in that direction. A friend told me there was nothing that one can do for this. Well, i know there is someone who actually can do something for this situation.
He showed up, helped me and make me realized that it was because i  asked for it.

What happened to those Old Romance?

Centuri XXI and a lot things have happened that have changed the world: for good and for bad.
Techonology has increased changing everything but my point here what has happened to the old romance. Yeah! to the old school romance. Where everything was about alking or walking down the street. Where, one has to run over fences just to get to see the person who wanted to see. About dating and being brave enough to ask for a moment of solitude between two people.
What is is weird just to ask for a date and not have sex, can people just ask and not playing games. Is there any truth in having a relationship?
The thing is i also have to be brave and go and ask. i sincerely fear the future. i do not wish to hurt other people. i do not wish to make someone mad. This is one of my biggest fear that i will hurt someone and i will not get forgiven for that. i see myself as a time bomb and i do not want to hurt people.
Again back to the topic. Why now that we have all such media-skill to do things faster and easier it is hard to find a relationship and even harder to create one and sustain it.
i was watching a move and made me think of this when one of the characters said:
"What happened to the old fashion romance like the dogs and the spagetti?"
if you do not know what is being reffered here, i will show you a video clip:

Also isn't there a lot of romane in another movies that mark my childhood and now i am looking for something like this. This is my last example and i have to leave because i will start crying if i keep writting this much.

See one night i had a dream of this, movie i was Aladin and i was with my princess. Well i am still single and one day i will be on a date eating spagettis, giving flowers and paying for the bill. i might not sing...
.lol.

GRE

here i am going to take the GRE at one pm today. i am anxious but i am also quiet as with peace... i know God is holding me and i did my part and i know He is always faithful. i might not see Him doing all but i know He actually does it all.
it is short for a post but what else can i say?
He is all for me.

I Am Not Who I Was ~ Brandon Heath ()

I wish you could see me now
I wish I could show you how
I'm not who I was
I used to be mad at you
A little on the hurt side too
But I'm not who I was

I found my way around
To forgiving you
Some time ago
But I never got to tell you so

I found us in a photograph
I saw me and I had to laugh
You know, I'm not who I was
You were there, you were right above me
And I wonder if you ever loved me
Just for who I was

When the pain came back again
Like a bitter friend
It was all that I could do
To keep myself from blaming you

I reckon it's a funny thing
I figured out I can sing
Now I'm not who I was
I write about love and such
Maybe 'cause I want it so much
I'm not who I was

I was thinking maybe I
I should let you know
I am not the same
But I never did forget your name
Hello

Well the thing I find most amazing
In amazing grace
Is the chance to give it out
Maybe that's what love is all about

I wish you could see me now
I wish I could show you how
I'm not who I was

 I am using this song to say what is in my heart to those i hurt i ask for forgiveness, to those who hurt me directely or indirectely i forgive them. i am not the little guy who hold grudges and seek revenge any more. i am not the little boy who run scared from the problems, i am not the one who will shut his mouht when something happends and gets angry, i will not use my mouth to yell any more, or use my fits to strike and knock other people.
To those people who i meet, loved and grew with, i use this song to let them know that i not just loved them but i still love them as in present now. Wherever they are. Whatever they are doing. They have a space in my heart, and once i got your name in my heart three things only can erase it: Dead, Alzheimer, and Amensia. Which i hope only the first one will do the trick.
i have learned, but not completely,  Agape: the self-sacrifing love, as the love of God/Jesus/Holy Spirit for the church; Philia/o: the brotherly and sisterly love for one another; Storge: the love that comes as familiarity, that part when you miss a friends, becuase he is like family or his presence is so strong that when he is not there you miss him; that is how you know that love; Eros: the love for intimacy and romantic love. i wrote i have learned but still not completely i am human and my desire to grow is hard but by the love of God i can keep doing it, with His Agape love i can stand in my feet each day, with my Philo love i walk to wards my friends and brothers, sisters, by Storge i take care of them and wanted to be happy... ahhh about Eros... well i am still single... ahahahahahaha
well here is the song link:

Lead Me to The Cross ~ Hillsong United (Lead Me to The Cross)

 Savior I come
Quiet my soul remember
Redemptions hill
Where Your blood was spilled
For my ransom
Everything I once held dear
I count it all as lost

Lead me to the cross
Where Your love poured out
Bring me to my knees
Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself
I belong to You
Lead me, lead me to the cross

You were as I
Tempted and trialed
You are
Te word became flesh
Bore my sin and death
Now you're risen

To your heart
To your heart
Lead me to your heart
Lead me to your heart

This song was introduced to me by my adoptive son. He is not technically adoptive but we have a relationship as father-son. i got to be the dad because i was the older. i found it by many singers, but this is the one he likes. i listen to it everytime i want to go back to Him and i am repender of my sins.
This beautiful song make my heart move to Him; He is my real father and i desire to be with Him more and more. i hope you guys like it.