Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Asleep on a Sunbeam -- Belle and Sebastian (Dear Catastrophe Waitress)

When the half light makes for a clearer view
Sleep a little more if you want to
But restlessness has seized me now, it’s true
I could watch the dreams flicker in your eyes
Lying here asleep on a sunbeam
I wonder if you realise you fascinate me so

Think about a new destination
If you think you need inspiration
Roll out the map and mark it with a pin
I will follow every direction
Just lace up your shoes while I’m fetching a sleeping bag, a tent...
Another summer’s passing by
All I need is somewhere I feel the grass beneath my feet
A walk on sand, a fire I can warm my hands
My joy will be complete

I thought about a new destination
I’m never short of new inspiration
Roll out the map and mark it with a gin
Made my plans to conquer the country
I’m waiting for you to get out of your situation
With your job and with your life

All I need is somewhere I feel the grass beneath my feet
A walk on sand
A fire, I can warm my hands
My joy will be complete
 This is one of the song i really like the most. It's from the album Dear Catastrophe Waitress of Belle and Sebastian. i like the rhythm and the lyrics. i like simple stuff with the music of i will get to tired of listening to it. i like where it talk about joy being complete; lyrics describe something very simple, just grass and sand under their feet. it means they can bee barefoot and be happy. fire where they can warm their hands. There is only one place that i can think has all these three things: A house on a beach. Yeah baby!!!
It's such a beautiful song. i just like it and that's it. Just hear it and feel it.

Is He or Isn't He? by John Hall

This is the only one gay novel i had ever read and i find it hilarious. Story goes like this: new year in school means new Guy in the school, too. New Guy: good looking, athletic built, tall, curly eyebrow lenght hair, and got money. Even though the money part does not important since the main characters have it all.
Three students are hooked up with this New Guy (NG). Two guys (M; T) and a girl (P; Paige?). Do not recall the names, but the letter will work. P and M are very good friends. T is our antagonist, and the person who introduces NG. During the whole year the try to figure out NG "significant one" type. M and NG have physical education together. P and NG have English together. They use desperate tactics to find it out. At the end. they learn NG, straight, feels nothing for P. Which was obvious since it's a gay novel. No one gets the hot new guy. The end is very drastic and M and P end with a relationship that they did not expected to have. T, he disappear at the 3/4 of the book... i think...
Hilarious, just to read about rich teenagers to see what they would do.
i have to say P personality i like it much, and well she rocked my world in the story. wish she really existed...

Bible Verse Philipians 1:23

"I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better." Philippians1:23.
This is a very strong quote from the Bible. i liked because it tells how much love is there for be with Christ. i wish one day i could say this verse and mean it as it is written. i was reading it from a book a friend gave me, and this verse make me stop, look it in the Bible and posted it in here. i wonder how is my relationship with God [God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit]. It is my desire that i want more of God to honor me. So far i looked at myself and wondered, as the book says, WHY?
Why do i serve God?
Why do i seek Him?
Why do i go to church?
Why do i pray each day?
Why do i read the Bible?
i meant those questions as a reason or motive behind, or deep in my heart.  Do i do those things to see miracles, do i do those things to look spiritual? What is the real reason i do those things?
i realized that for so many years i have been doing some of those just for the fact that i was told to do, i was told to go to church, serve God.
Now i want to do those things:
  1. Because He is God and to Him all the Glory.
  2. Because it comes within me to love Him.
  3. It is the reason i was created, for both one and two.
It is hard to be walking in the Spirit. i want the Spirit of God lead me, instead of me leading Him. It is hard, but if it wasn't hard we would not appreciate what we have. Also, we will have to fight constantly with our flesh. Here is a point hard for me. i consider myself weak. i will keep fighting and one day i know i will have a crown off victory.
"If I keep doing it; eventually I will get results." Someone on the Radio.
So what else is there to say. Well, what can you, and i, do and for what reason are we doing it?
Will we get to say, i want to die just to be with Christ?

Monday, May 30, 2011

Between You, seven boxes of tissue and i

i hate the fact that i am too moody. Now i am in a mood that i cannot express or quiet grasp well. i hate this feeling and i want You to take it out of me. i want you to take it out of my chest. It is agony, pain, tears. Please, i want to give up. It is hard to cultivate friendships and i am giving up on all of them. If they grow good for them; if they witter let it be my fault and let them walk. i am tired of trying to figuring myself out or in. i am tired of committing the same mistakes again. please, change my moodiness, and every time i will miss somebody fill my heart with more of you. maybe there is my mistake. i can miss people and that will not upset You. what do you want. Just do it, quickly because it hurts. i know Your son took my place dying for me. i love Your son so much. Thanks to Him i was able to meet You. Now You send me the Greatest of the Counselors. Here i am please comfort me. i am very tired. Just want some quiet time, with no feelings, not mind. Just with the opposite of what this blog name is after. it hurts so bad. why!? do i have to be this moody and complicated? Can You help me to take it easy? to just chill out. Always worrying an finding comfort in other when i have to look for it in Your presence. Are You reading? HELP ME. i do not want to loose another friendship, or make it break. i do not know how to be a friend in here or anywhere else. Why did You brought me, what is the purpose? Make me more stable, please. please. It hurts so bad to not understand myself. You created me. Please Explain myself to me!!! What is in my that make me be like this? Change me please, that this silent tears falling down in the floor, scratch my checks.
Together but not mixed; that is how i fell sometimes. i am there but not feel connected. Please...
i want nobody but You to hug me.
i want nobody but You to dry my face when it has tears.
i want nobody but Your heath feel warming me up.
i want nobody but You to give me those answers.
PLEASE!!! show Yourself to my life, that once again i am dying.


Question what make someone selfish?
Most people would answer a person who only center in themself. after a long pool party yesterday i wanted to go home, so i called my brother to pick me up in an hour because i had to go to another friend house to get my clothes back. The time was going to be sort of like close to twelve but not pass it. My brother call me back that he was in a party and asked my if i can hold it a little longer so he could stay a little longer in the party. i said yes. i stayed with my friend a little longer. We were very tired and we talk for like an hour and then just felt asleep in the couch him, and i in the floor. it was two am and i called my brother.
"So where are you?"
"Still here."
"Okay" i hung up.
Three, and four am passed and at four fifteen he dare to call me and tell me he is on his way. at four thirty i call him to know where he was; it was taking him too long.
He answer me "I am looking for my keys." i was angry, pissed off. He was still there.
It was almost five am when he came to pick me up.

So here is the topic. Who was selfish?
Me for wanted to leave, and pushing him to leave the party to come and pick me up? because my friend was tired too, and i wanted him to rest also?
My brother who did not care about me and stayed at the party for six more hours?
i was just so pissed off that i wanted to say something but i did not say anything. i was silent and i am still silent. no longer mad at him, but wondering who was selfish.

Culture Difference

Many things i compare between the two cultures i live with. The one i was raised and the one i live in now. It's hard to just change everything in the blink of an eye. It's hard to just forget one day of your own culture; the one you have been living for so long, and all about that culture, if not most, make sense. i came here and realize of many differences; i learned to accepted in a very harsh way it wasn't easy. i feel that many of my friendships were going through rough spots, but i decide to speak it off. i decided to talk it off and never get i turn down. i always got an explanation. I like the explanation and i am happy to learn other norms.
i am learning slow, but learning. changing in a good way. laughing with out being self-conscious. Living a life that will improve each time and each day.
i celebrate the differences of cultures and i enjoy learning to see from a different point of view; i said it is going to be hard.
i heard in a movie once, actually a preview [i am paraphrasing]: "i don't care if it is hard. i need possible."
Same thing i expect from life.

Sunday, May 29, 2011


Hello, Hello, Hello!!
What am i doing here? well just pursuing a dream. I always wanted to write about many things: comments, movie reviews, books, characters, music [at least the little i know about it], sport [same as music], politics [same as sport], believes, and much much more, like poetry, in fact is a place where i will be putting what i think and how i feel. Hence the name Heartbeat Thought. Heartbeat is about feeling and Thought is about what i think of something. I decided finally making this blog because it is m last dream. ;) i will fight for this one as much as i can. i will never give up this one for how few followers i have, critics i can get, and lack of motivation.
Heartbeatought is different i put my heart and mind in it.